To Be or Not To Be . . . a Coffee Person

            

Tomorrow I will begin a human experiment…on my own self.  I’m going to join the majority of y’all and attempt to become a Coffee Person.  Having always been a tea drinker, I only have an occasional sweetened, milky coffee as an afternoon treat.  Unlike a coffee drinker, I never sip my caffeinated beverage first thing in the morning, preferring to let my body and mind waken naturally.  But all of that is going to change.  Like you, I’m going to kick off my morning tomorrow with some steamy old-fashioned black coffee.

            I’ve been watching you Coffee People, and I feel like I’m missing out on something.  You love your hot mug of restorative tonic more than just about anything.  Coffee is one of the few addictions that you actually brag about, “I drank a half a pot before noon today!” or “I ordered a Quadruple Grande and I was feeling grrreat by the time I got to work!”

            The smell of fresh brewed drip brings a long and lazy inhale, complete with flared nostrils, and a wide grin to your faces.  Many of your conversations swirl around the best blends, shops and baristas.  Going camping with Coffee People is quite an experience.  Before bedding down in our tents, the CPs must discuss who is making the first pot, when, with what equipment and will there be enough?  Usually this is all physically set up before the campfire light dies away.  You wouldn’t want to waste any of your morning without a hot cup in your hand and some liquid stimulant in your gullet.

            And the absence of coffee leaves you feeling not quite right.  I have a sister who, it is widely known, cannot function as a human being until she has consumed enough of the black stuff to bring her blood level up to a 1:1 ratio of coffee to plasma.  If you happen to bump into her before she stumbles to the coffee pot you’d better take cover, or at least give her a very wide berth.  After a cup or two the blank zombie-eyed stare will be replaced by her cheerful twinkle and a smile, and you know it is safe for others to enter the room.  I’m sure this sounds familiar.

            My friends and I have a fun Relay Team that requires us to stay up all day, night and day to run 200 consecutive miles.  One of the major planning hurdles we need to clear for this event is where/when/how will we get coffee so we don’t die?  Because, of course, many of us just wouldn’t survive this event without the precious hot liquid.  I don’t doubt that some of these gals would rather be dead than go without.  One year, rummy with fatigue, a few team members stopped at a coffee shop while waiting for our runner to come into the exchange.  There was a major crisis when the realization was made that they had forgotten to bring a precious cup for the runner, who was going to shrivel up and die without that black gold.  That day I learned to never under-estimate the needs of the CP.

            In the morning, like you, I plan to dive into steamin’ hot Cuppa Joe.  There are risks involved, I know, such as a desperate caffeine addiction or worse, coffee breath.  But if this beverage is so important to you Coffee People, then maybe it will be good for me, too.    Wish me luck…and watch out!