You don’t
have to have a toddler and your child doesn’t have to be wearing a tiara for
you to become one of those scary “Pageant Parents.” And the stage upon which your child performs
may not be the physical platform with theatre lights and flashing cameras. Their venue of choice may be a grass field
with goal posts, a sparkling frozen rink or a court in a gymnasium . What defines the “pageant parent” type is the
behavior of the parent and their over-involvement in their child’s activity.
Nobody
ever plans to be one of “those” over-the-top rabid parents who have too much of
their own personal pride riding on the backs of their children. It can sneak up on you like weeds in the
garden. You plant a few pretty petunias
and before you know it a dense forest of dandelions has taken its place.
I am not immune, as I had a taste
of this myself. A few years ago I found
myself sucked into the local ballet scene.
(Yep, ballet - a word that had
not entered my vocabulary before my little girl demanded a tutu.) It all started out reasonably enough with my
learning to weave an adequate ballerina hair-bun and embarrassing my daughter
with my lame attempts at pronouncing ballet terms. Before long I found myself driving 100 miles
to buy decent pointe shoes (yes that e really belongs on the end of that word,
and apparently everybody who is anybody knows that the local pointe
shoes were not good enough). More and
more of my conversations with other ballet moms felt like gossip, centering on
the skill of the various teachers and questioning casting decisions of the
director. I even joined the fundraising
board and sold my soul to a coupon company.
At the time this all seemed so important. It wasn’t until my adolescent daughter burned
out and quit dancing that I stepped back and realized how unhealthy my
increasing involvement had become for both my daughter and myself.
If you find yourself more and more
consumed with the status of your child’s chosen activity, maybe it is time to
stand in front of a mirror and reflect upon your involvement.
1.
Do you
spend more of your time and emotional energy on your child’s activity than the
kid actually does?
2.
Have you raised a big stink or even considered
taking some kind of official action against a coach or official because you
didn’t agree with a decision?
3.
Has your child suffered a consequence, either
from the coach or teammates, based on your actions/reactions?
4.
Are you finding more and more charred bridges in
your wake as you sacrifice relationships of your own and your child’s, while pursuing
the seemingly all-important goals you think your child deserves?
5.
Do you spend half the time on your own hobbies
and interests as you do your child’s?
If any of these scenarios make you with
squirm with the ugly discomfort of recognition, it may be a good time for you
to take a step back. Better yet, take
two big steps back and let your child grow up and learn to advocate for him or
herself. Nobody likes a Parent-zilla,
not even the child. It’s time for you to
take up knitting…or some other hobby that brings personal satisfaction – take pride and joy in your own activities. You might be amazed at how well your child
does on his/her own. And they will be
proud of you, too.
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