You Can't Digitize Poop

Despite the popular emoji 💩,  you just can’t digitize poop.  This statement came tumbling out of my orifice recently when discussing a local news story on our morning run.

It’s true! There isn’t a “send” button on your touchscreen that sends that unmentionable brown matter into cyberspace where you no longer have to deal with it.  At this moment you’re thinking, “Flush handle…DUH!”  You’d be correct in that the handle acts as a message SEND button, and may as well give you the reassuring feedback message, “Your poop has been sent!”  But to where?  Mind you, it was not simply translated into computer code and transferred as a nanobyte of information to The Cloud , an odorless invisible infinite place that we can ignore.

In the real world, poop takes up space and has weight (and a smidgen of odor). In other words, poop has mass.  Mass cannot be created or destroyed - Law of Conservation, baby!  Did you know that there are four bags of astronaut poop on the moon, left behind by Neil Armstrong on his Apollo mission?  Poop is basically forever.  What I do know is that I bag my pooches’ poo every day and it certainly adds up over a short period of time…and it doesn’t go away until the garbage truck comes. And I have been on plenty of school field trips as a mom and a teacher to the local sewage treatment plant.  I’ll avoid graphic descriptions.   Just take my word - it does NOT simply disappear.

According to the book The Truth About Poop, people produce one ounce of poop for each 12 pounds of their body weight.  For the average man that is almost one pound per day!!  (Many of us may have the urge to deny that amount…and we smell like roses, no doubt.)

Add that up.  For the average life span of the male human species of 70 years, that means over 25,000 pounds of excrement!  Do you want that piling up around you?  ‘Course not.  And you don’t have to live with that. WHY?  Not because of high-tech fiber-optics or itty-bitty computer chips (although they help) or solely due to brain-geek-created binomial code.

Plumbing is our REAL hero here.  And plumbers, and folks who understand the workings of the massive invisible infrastructure that lays beneath our feet.  Without that infrastructure, and the people who have spent their lives as students, apprentices and professionals, that POOP might be what is beneath our precious little feet.

A recent local news article lamented the coming shortage of plumbers and other hands-on trade workers that keep our quality of life moving, literally.  Apparently the older generation of those who keep electricity running to our homes and water moving in and flushing out is nearing retirement and the new generation doesn’t seem to appreciate their importance.  Everyone is scrambling to learn the computer-based skills…and if you talk to any young teen these days many will tell you that they plan to become incredibly successful video game developers and testers, with their bums taking the permanent shape of the recliners in which they reside.  There is a fear that there will be a shortage of non-digital trade workers.  If this happens and all of the youth do do the technology thing (oops - did I just say“doo-doo”??) we could theoretically end up knee deep in our own 💩.

Reality is if those young-uns want to succeed, a bunch of them would take a look at the technical schools and apprentice opportunities. Because soon enough we are all going to be paying top dollar to ensure our poop leaves the premises in a timely manner…as well as receiving electricity to our homes and sound, structural roofs over our heads.  

And schools might well bring back an emphasis on mechanics, wood shop, automotive repair and real world, hands-on experiences.  We ought to give those areas of study the level of respect they deserve!  We don't call it the porcelain throne for nothin'.