Take My Wife, Please

                There is one four letter word that gets my hackles up, believe it or not.   Now, I’m no prude – I love lively self-expression filled with colorful words.  Sometimes it takes one of those “Seven Dirty Words” that George Carlin embraced to get the point across.  Those forbidden words can serve as a sort of punctuation, providing the perfect emphasis or pause.   In fact, I love to swear. 

But this particular word, although the meaning is benign, has the connotation of ownership or belittlement that makes my skin crawl.   At the top of my least favorite word list is ‘wife’.  Now, I’ll admit right off that there are times when this word is appropriate when explaining connections between people, but I think this term is incredibly over-used and in most cases can be replaced by a more expressive word or just a plain old name.  For example, “John and his wife are coming for dinner.”  Does John’s wife not have a name?  Do you not know her name?  Learn it.  Names are always better than labels.

“Is this your wife?” asked after a manly handshake and hello.  “Sorry, I’m not owned by anyone, but we are married.  My name is Sharon.”  I know, I know – a petty complaint and a little ridiculous. No big deal.  You can say the same thing about the term “husband”.  You are right.  My husband, my daughter, my dog – these are all merely explaining a relationship.  Honestly, I don’t kick and scream every time I hear the word (but you might notice my slight convulsions when that word is thrown in my direction).

But HERE is the one use that gets my lips-a-curling and my fangs-a-showing:  “The Wife.”   As in, “The wife and I are going on vacation.”  THE wife?   You can’t do better than that?  I use 'the' when referring to objects.  THE glass in on THE table.  THE radio is on THE wrong channel.  THE poop is in THE grass.  Do you ever hear “THE husband” except when someone is deliberately turning it around for a laugh?  It’s almost worse than ownership, because it rings of resignation.  “This is THE wife.  I don’t claim her as mine or anything.  She’s just there.  She’s like the furniture.  THE lawn.   She isn’t even a she, she’s a THE.” 

I may not be writing the words, but you can bet I’m picturing all of those colorful swear words in my head right now, just thinking about ‘THE wife’.  Feel free to join me in this visualization exercise.

 Well, now that I’ve gotten that off the chest, I’ll get the child off to school and start the day.  

Happy Friday to y’all – or whatever day it is when you read this.